I participated on the first day of class, and the topic "be confident" was stuck in my mind. Then I reflected on "confidence" in this journal. I'm not confident talking with people in English or even Japanese. Presentations in particular, so I've been avoiding them as much as possible. I'd not say I like speaking because I'm not confident in my speaking skills. When I talk, I'm concerned, "do they think my speaking style is weird?" or "do they think I'm talking too long?" However, I know that the purpose of speaking is to put my thoughts into words and deliver them to people, so I don't have to worry about how I'm seen. I think such a shift in mindset is necessary to speak with confidence.
I'm better at writing than speaking, and I rather love writing. It's the same in Japanese. The main difference between speaking and writing is that in speaking, I tie up the listener's time regardless of their willingness. Whereas in writing, the reader can access the text anytime they like. In other words, even If my talk is boring, the listener has to listen to it. On the other hand, in writing, if it's not interesting, the reader can stop reading. In addition, if I make a mistake in speaking, the listener will witness it. Still, in writing, I can work on it beforehand, so the reader won't see my mistake. I think that is the main difference between the two. This is why I'm not confident in speaking and prefer writing.
Although the purpose of speaking and writing is to communicate my thoughts to others, it's the same. Why can I do that only when I'm writing? It's probably because I don't have to worry about readers' reactions. When I talk to someone, I'm worried about unnecessary things like, "is my grammar correct?", "is my style strange?" or "do they not think I am explaining well?" To overcome this, I must concentrate on delivering my thoughts to others without worrying about how I'm seen. It's super challenging for me and even harder to do in a second language. But, yes, I know practice will make the weakness better. My teacher said, "Play English" on the first day of class. I like the expression. I want to speak English (even Japanese) as if I'm playing language and only focus on communicating. It's a big challenge, but I'm trying.
今学期はUoPeopleを休んで、別の学校で英語を話す練習をしています。そもそも日本語でも話すの苦手だし、クラスの中でいちばん英語ができてなくてくよくよしっぱなしなのだけど、話して伝えられるようになりたいのでがんばっています。
